Cleaning Up The…(Part 1)

Have you ever gone through your life thinking that “This is all you are meant to be” or “How can I make a change in my life to get ahead”. First things first, you need to clear your space whether it be your thoughts, your clutter in your home, the clutter in your life and so on. Mine consisted of all of the above types.

First was the cleaning up of home clutter. Either giving away, selling or just plain getting rid of the unwantedness of stuff. I still have too much “STUFF” in my home but it is a comfortable level of stuff now.  And some what organized.   Organization is important for me.  If things go unorganized for too long, I become a bit crazy.

Next is dealing with the clutter in my mind. I am the type that gets confused about my thoughts and feelings easily.  When things or people touch my heart (and no not literally ;]) I tend to become overly attached. There are a few that can attest to this.  Give me work and I am great…no confusion. Matters of the heart…confusion ten fold.  So cleaning up matters of the heart and getting things straight in my mind. I need to be able to concentrate to be able to think and feelings tend to fog up my thinking capabilities big time.

The clutter in my life…that is a bit harder to do.  Work is the main thing in my focus and what I love to do.  Then family and friends…this is not how it should be but this is how I stay mainly sane.

Just recently I took stock of the people I care about in my life.  I realized that the people I care about are not necessarily on the same thinking scope as I am.  What do you do in this situation?  I needed to let go of those people…clean out the attic per say.  I have some regrets but I think in the long run, it will benefit the people I care about and who are in my life continuously.   The ones I can say I honestly love and respect in my life.   Thank you for being in my life.

So now I need to take stock of my life and where I want it to be.  This is my next step.  I will let you know more when I find the answers to this question.  The pre-footwork is done to think things out properly now.

TO BE CONTINUED…..

Friendship.

I think I need clarification on the word “Friendship”.  Does this one word mean so much different in today’s world than it did in days gone past?  I don’t know but I see many things in my life now that lead me to believe that this is the case.

I have few friends in my life that I call true friends, friends that I would do anything in the world for.  These people know who they are.  They know that I will always be there for them if they need me unless I really can’t.  They know that they can come to me with good and bad news…I will listen and try and help if I can. And I know that if I ever need them, they will be there for me in a heart beat.  I found this out when moving to Victoria and within Victoria.  I don’t like asking people for help, but I really needed it this time.  They saw this too.  And because they know this about me, they offered the help which I gladly accepted.  I need to ask for help sometimes when I need it.

Communication is the keystone of any type of relationship.  Sometimes listening is the key thing that can change a relationship from okay to great.  And sometimes I need to work on this.  But the people I hold dear in my life, the communication is there.  I know we are there for each other in our lives.  And sometimes I communicate too much and this can be a problem at times especially when there is little feedback on the issue at hand.  I have one person in my life right now where I am not sure where we stand as friends due to the communication and listening factor.  We will see how this transpires.

Just always be there for the ones you love (any type of relationship) and hold dear in your life…hopefully they know this and communicate to you the way friends should.

Any comments are welcome on this.  Thanks for reading.

UPDATE TO THIS!!!

I need to express that each and everyone of the people I deem as friends, whether long time or fairly new, I cherish and would always be there for them if they ever needed me to be there.  With this said, I hope they understand this and understand why sometines I get upset at their actions and want to help or get frustrated at the things they do or don’t do.  This may not make me right in how I deal with these people but as a friend they should be able to understand what I am saying and know that whether I like their advice or not, I will listen to their side or to comments they have about me.  And I really do take all comments or advice to heart no matter what anyone thinks.

Final Update on My Dating Situation

I had just recently begun a relationship and had given updates on this throughout.  I am sad to say and because of my own doing, I have ended the relationship with this person.

Lee is a caring, wonderful person full of love, devotion and loyalty to offer.  I thought that this is what I wanted in my life and we had done a lot of talking regarding this.  I realized a few things with regards to me and my life and had hurt this very wonderful person by breaking up with him.  Lee, I am publically apologizing to you as not only I broke up with you but I had brought you into my internet world.  I am sorry.  Please know that I am hurting about this decision too.

I have also realized that the thing that makes me happiest and keeps me out of trouble and keeps me focused is work.  I am at this time putting my all into my work relations.  I have come off Plenty of Fish dating for good and won’t be looking for love or a relationship for a long, long time.  I need to stand back and take a look at myself and ask myself why I can’t or don’t want to be in a relationship.  Some things I know…others I don’t.

So with this said, I am taking a brief break from any posting to my personal site and other social media related applications that I may be on aswell. More than likely just a couple of weeks so that I can examine me.

Thank you for reading this and cheers to all <3

Update on My Dating Situation…

Well, what can I say.  I am in a relationship again at this point in my life.

At the beginning of September I had gone to Port Angeles to meet Lee.  We had been talking online and finally decided it was time to meet in person.  We did and we had a wonderful time.  In the first week after we met, there was some trying moments and some wonderful moments.  It is hard when you live in a distance relationship especially when the relationship is cross-borders.  I had doubts about things, about how this would work, if it worked out who would move where.  The work situation would be an issue for both of us.

We talked every day, texted alot, emailed each other and just tried to be there for each other.  When he found out that he had to go to help his parents out for a few months regarding medicals issues that they have, all of this became a reality for me.  I got a bit scared of everything.  And this was just the first week after we actually had met.  We continued to keep in contact and I voiced my concerns about us and Lee just continued to try and put my fears to rest.

In talking tonight, we had discussed where we see our relationship heading.  We decided that being in a relationship with each other was the right thing for us at this time.  Many things will still need to be discussed when Lee returns from his parents but we continue to talk every night, being there for each other and supporting each other.  A relationship And we are both very happy with this decision.

We have not discussed the distance situation at this time.  But when Lee returns, we will figure this out.

I will give more of an update on how things are going when Lee returns and we decide on what more we are doing and the plans we are making.

Cheers and Goodnight to all <3

My Experiences with Internet Dating!!! (Part 2 of 2)

To carry on with my story, I went to Port Angeles, Washington to meet Lee.  The ferry trip was excellent.  Had an opportunity to take lots of photos, including some of Lee.  He picked me up from the ferry.  We had decided that since it was almost 10 pm just to go pick up some icecream and go back to his place and watch a movie.  The movie “Monty Pythons – The Holy Grail”.  Awesome movie to watch on a first meeting.

I do have to tell you that Lee was the perfect gentleman and I never felt worried, afraid or anxious around him or even with staying at his place. It’s that gut feeling of mine finally kicking in again.  And contrary to popular belief, you can meet a guy, stay at his place and not have sexual relations LOL.

The next morning, we headed out to breakfast (we like our breakfast exactly the same way lol) then Lee took me around to see Port Angeles and surrounding areas and gave me some history about PA.  I had an excellent time and didn’t really want to head back to Victoria, BC yet but you know…obligations.  We talked a little more, held hands alot, and kissed.  Then it was time for me to head home. We have MSN’d each other a bit since.  There are many things for the two of us to consider getting into dating internationally.  We had also discussed this.

I don’t know where this is going to lead but is just dating (right now) and not classed as a relationship.  I can not commit to anyone that quickly.  I have my own demons that I am still dealing with regarding the growing pains of love and dating but I am slowly working through them.

How needing and being needed relates to internet dating?

During my marriage, I had gained about 100lbs and it has been aweful to try and get rid of it but it is slowly coming off.  When I finally decided to leave our marriage, I needed to find something to make me feel good about myself again.

That is when I got into the internet dating scene.  I needed someone to show me attention to help me feel better about myself again.  I met quite a few people, some I dated and some were, after the first date, deamed not for me.  I quickly regained my self esteem and got what I needed from the person(s) to keep me going.  I felt if this person is paying attention to me then they must need me or want me to be in their lives.  Boy was I wrong!!!  Not the best way to handle things.  I had a lot of people worried about me and how I was handling things.  And it caused me no end of heartache because I believe in love and wanted someone to love me so much I would have done almost anything to make it happen.  I had actually tried almost everything with one person… trying to hold him in my life because I believed that he was the one I was supposed to be with.  Again, boy was I wrong.  I was thinking with my heart and head and not using my gut feeling to avoid a bad situation.  He is still in my life more as an acquaintance than anything but if he ever needed anything, I would still be there for him.  And I think he would be there for me aswell.

I am now at this point in my life happy, working on being totally healthy again, energetic, and have realized that the right person will come along when it is time.  I do still meet people the old fashioned way…no computers…but the internet dating scene is good for meeting people when I really don’t have the time to get out there and socialize and meet people.  Right now, meeting people online is the fastest and easiest way for me to initially meet people to maybe get to the point of actually meeting people.

I hope this post made sense.  I have a lot of stuff going through these lines to express my whole self.  It would take a book to finish expressing myself (with a lot of repetition along the way).  I will keep you informed about my relationship status when it finally happens.

Cheers and thank you for reading

My Experiences with Internet Dating!!! (Part 1 of 2)

In my life, I have dated, had relationships of great value, broken up with, been broken up with, married, separated and now basically divorced.  I remember each and every one of these times and look back to see what I have learned from past love experiences.

One thing I have realized about myself is that I love to be in love and loved to be and feel loved by someone.  This is not an uncommon thing for people to want to feel this in their lives.  With this said, I also want to feel and be needed by someone but I also want them to know that I need them in return.  This is not an easy thing for me to express to someone…that I need you.  I have always been the needed one.  I need to work on this.

How does this relate to the world of internet dating?  This coming up!!!

I have never been a person that really enjoyed going to a bar or cabaret to meet men with the hopes of making a potential love contact.  I went with my friends to socialize and dance and have a few drinks.  It was always fairly easy for me to strike up a conversation with a person, get to know them through a couple of dates and then know whether I wanted to take it further or not.  This was in the past when my life was not as busy as now and with technology so much more in my life.

I have and still use online dating sites to meet people as my life doesn’t always allow me the time and opportunity to get out in the real world to meet people.  Actually I met my ex-husband through a local bulletin board site in Campbell River, BC.  “Fred’s Fine Files” is what it was called and the guy who operated it was named Mike…funny that.  Brian and I were married for 12 years and are still friends to this day.  To carry on with my story…

Since being separated, I have been on a host of sites to meet new people (including Lavalife $$$ and EHarmony $$$) and have finally just stuck it out with Plenty of Fish.  It’s free…it’s world wide…it’s easy to use…the only thing is the user plane is not really nice to use (but who am I to complain…it’s free).  I have chatted and met quite a few people who I have remained friends with aswell as dated or am still dating.  There have been a few that have been very difficult situations in my life and since I am the “a bit naive and I wear my heart on my sleeve” type of person, have had a little bit of heart ache because of it.  I attribute some of it as my own fault…actually alot of it.  This is how I am growing.

Just recently, I have made plans to meet Lee, a new friend of mine from Plenty of Fish, in Port Angeles, Washington.  We will see how this transpires.  I will let you know when I return tomorrow.  Coffee, walking, talking and taking pictures of the sights etc…I am looking forward to it.

So I will continue this story after my trip to Port Angeles.  Safe journey to all, including myself, and have an awesome day tomorrow.  Life is only as much of an adventure as you make it!!!  Make it real and good

Bfn

If You Love Her…

In the wee hours of this morning, I wrote a letter to a friend re: love and that special someone in your life.  You may laugh at this and think that I am totally off my rocker or you might ponder what I have written to this person.  Read and enjoy…all comments are welcome.

“This is the last letter I am going to say to you on this subject…on any subject with you.  I am sure you will be happy about this.

1. If you love someone…truly deep down in your heart, want to hold and protect them, treasure them till the    end of time, grow old together LOVE them, then tell them and mean it.  Same goes for being in love with someone.  Don’t say it unless you really mean it.

2. Don’t rush things…take things a little slower.   I know I am one to talk but sex does not always have to be the first and foremost thing to do in the start of a relationship…any type of a relationship.

3. Be honest and sincere and communicate your feelings and thoughts to them…let them know how much they mean to you but let them know why and communicate these through words and body language.

4. If saying goodnight to a person you are dating, do not say “Goodnight Sarah” when her name is Jessica.  Fake names used to make a point only.

5. If still into the adult websites, don’t hide this.  Bring this person into this world with you if that is what they want.  If that is not what they want, then you have to decide what means more to you…Cyber / Internet gratification or the real thing.  Honestly Hun…you can’t have it both ways unless the other person wants the same thing(s) you do.

6. If not really in a relationship with the person, don’t talk about other women to that person.  Definitely a turn off especially if all you want is sex.  We don’t want to hear about all of the other women in your life unless it’s your kids or family.

7. If sexual arousal is an issue, then communicate this to your partner and tell her what you like and don’t like instead of asking her what she likes and doesn’t like all of the time.  A woman can’t read your thoughts and we like to know what you like too.

8. Make sure your place is tidy.  Hire a maid two times a month.  This tells a lot about a person and how they are in relationships.  Women like to see that a man can take care of themselves as well as maybe the woman taking care of you.

9. Very important.  During sexual relations, do not call her by another woman’s name.  This has been done to me by you and others and if a woman is in the mood, this will cure that really quick.  If you are thinking about someone else while having sex with the person you are with…call out your own name instead.  The woman may laugh and think “OMG…he is in love with himself”, but the sex drive will still be there.  Not an honest thing to do but will save a lot of problems if you just can’t help yourself.

10. Put the damn cell phone away when you are with someone unless you are truly working.  Give the person you are with your undivided attention.  Going from experience, I put up with it but it pissed me off to no ends when you were out with me somewhere and were constantly answering/texting/checking that damn thing.

11. Don’t ever go on about your past relationships (even the bad ones… like ours) unless you want to at some point drive that person away.  I am no better but I heard my fair share about your past relationships and it always made me feel inferior to your past.  The person that you are with should feel like she is the only one for you…whether you have a past or not.  Kids and animals are definitely an exception.  That person you are with needs to fully accept this part of your life and understand that there will be times that the kids will take precedence.

12. If you make her feel like your Queen, she will more than likely make you feel like you are her King.

13. Lastly (but I am sure I can go on for a few more)… Make sure you are truly happy with yourself and your life before bringing someone else into your world.  If you have issues, she will pick up on it right away.  If minor issues…she may brush it off and help you to deal with things.  If major issues, let her know but don’t go into a dramatic scene and raise red flags.  Don’t expect the relationship to last if that happens.

Now in saying all of this, you have made it very clear to me tonight that you don’t want my help.  I will respect that decision.  But with how you answered my question re: me…I can’t let that go.  I really deserve a little more than “Honestly I don’t care right now.”    Get back to me when you have a decent answer to my question.

Bfn”